– How the research was done.
This opinion was reached by scientists at the University of Pittsburgh, who studied the direct and indirect consequences of strict parenting in shaping a child’s behavior and http://argoprep.com/blog/culturally-responsive-teaching-what-you-should-know/.
In the course of such a study, it turned out that adolescents whose needs are not satisfied by close people, primarily parents, seek confirmation of their importance from others.
The scientists selected 1,482 participants and followed them for nine years. The study involved children of different ages, races, from different social strata and cities. The main task of the children was to report manifestations of verbal or physical aggression towards them from their parents.
At the same time, scientists collected information about the communication of study participants with peers, their propensity to crime, sexual behavior and academic success. The results showed that the consequences of strict parenting are much worse than parents thought.
What does a strict upbringing of a child lead to?
Supporters of strict education and http://argoprep.com/blog/inquiry-based-learning/ believe that they instill discipline, respect, a certain independence, and accuracy in their children. However, as it turned out during the study, this manner of education only hurts.
Respondents who reported parental aggression were more likely to submit to peer authority by the end of the study, exhibited risky behavior, and had an early onset of sexual activity. In turn, this led to poor performance.
Let’s try to understand in more detail what this method of education can lead to. And what should not be done in order to raise a socially complete and psychologically healthy child.
– Lack of self-discipline and responsibility in children.
A rigid framework in education gives only a temporary effect and does not allow the child to take responsibility for his actions. In addition, no one likes total control, there is an internal protest. Therefore, the child begins to do “out of spite”, deliberately distance himself from his parents and do what is not allowed.
The best way is to talk about what consequences certain behavior or actions can lead to. If the child still did not listen, broke, spilled or lost something, do not immediately scream!
It is necessary to explain why this happened and give the child the opportunity to correct the situation himself: give a rag to wipe the spilled himself or find the lost thing.
– Lack of independence and lack of initiative of children.
An obedient child acts only on instructions. This leads to a lack of autonomy and an unwillingness to show minimal initiative and participation in one’s own life.
Such children will not make either a leader or a self-sufficient person – after all, your child, even in adulthood, will look for a person who will tell you what to do and how to do it.
To avoid this, give your child more freedom! Let him choose what he wants to play with – paints or plasticine, which book he wants to read next. Invite your child to independently choose a place for a walk or options for possible leisure.
– Tendency to aggression and depression.
Aggression and depression appear because authoritarian parenting implies the parents’ rejection of certain aspects of the child’s psyche and unwillingness to help him when difficult emotions and feelings arise. Children are left alone with their emotional impulses, as a result, they feel lonely.
First of all, you need to be interested in the preferences of the child and participate in the ongoing events in the life of your baby, and then – a teenager.
– Exposure to other people’s influence.
When your child is small, it is easier and more convenient for him to agree with everything and not insist on his desires. However, he gets older and then obedience develops into weakness. Such a teenager agrees to any rules of the game, will go with anyone and anywhere, just because he is afraid to say “no”.
Be attentive to the wishes of your baby. You do not need to categorically protest or punish him for disobedience – explain reasonedly why his desire is impossible to fulfill. If in doubt, ask the baby to explain to you why his request should be granted.
Thus, the child will learn to argue and defend his own point of view. – The child starts to lie.
If a child is constantly brought up on the principle of “do what I say,” a protest awakens in him. Such children tend to get into unpleasant situations and begin to lie to their parents in order to avoid certain punishments, quarrels or unpleasant conversations.
The best way to prevent the occurrence of such behavior is to convincingly prove to the child why your option is appropriate. But if, nevertheless, the parents failed to convince the offspring, then it is better to accept his preferences.
– Low self-esteem of the child.
The strictness of the parents, even if it is justified in certain cases, makes the child wonder if he is good enough to be your child. After all, when he is so often scolded, condemned, pointed out, it means that something is wrong with him. All this leads to low self-esteem. In this case, the child will do everything to only earn your love and respect.
First of all, make it clear that love does not need to be earned, you already love him, appreciate him, and are proud of him. The child, feeling your support, will try to achieve more.
– Hypercompensation of the child.
Very often, obedient children in their teens “go away.” They are exposed to bad influences, get into bad habits – all this is an attempt to compensate for the lack of freedom in childhood.
Give your child more freedom, let him walk, spend time alone with his thoughts and deeds, so that his personality can develop comfortably without being limited by parental prohibitions.
– Psychologists note that the optimal parenting strategy is “authoritative parenting” or “restrictions with complicity.” That is, there is an establishment of certain boundaries, but with complicity.
Children only stick to boundaries when they are set with love. You need to set reasonable limits and voice your expectations. This must be done with love and unconditional support.
The combination of restrictions and complicity is the golden mean, which will help to properly raise a child and achieve maximum results for the child himself in all areas of life.