Children are going to daycare and school, parents are going to work, and everyone is fussy and nervous. How do you develop new, useful morning habits to stop being late? We suggest working on your mistakes and 7th grade common core math!
Mistake 1: You didn’t prepare in advance
Surely in the evenings you ask your child to prepare everything they will need tomorrow. But not all parents are ready to check if the backpack is packed, or monitor whether its contents correspond to tomorrow’s schedule. It is better to make a sample checklist of everything you need to check before bedtime. Not only textbooks and notebooks, but also, for example, whether all the necessary clothes are available, or something necessary washed, whether the phone is charged, whether there is a pass and a pass. By the way, it is better to put clothes on a chair or hang them on a hanger immediately in the order in which the child wears them! Agree that all things that are important not to forget in the morning, you will immediately take to the hallway, the front door. You can place a special shelf or a hook for “morning” trifles. Assess what else can be prepared from the evening. Maybe you should immediately arrange the cups for tea on the table, or “load” the multicooker in advance?
Mistake 2: You’re catching everyone up.
All you hear in your apartment in the morning is “Hurry up and read 4th grade science workbook!” and “Stop fiddling, we’re late!” In fact, of course, the shouting and commands do not help the housemates, no matter how big or small, to get ready faster. On the contrary, a person who is constantly rushed is unlikely to act collected and active. His attention shifts from the matter in which he is now engaged, for your words (probably not too affectionate), he has to react to them – most likely, with anxiety and worry. If you understand that the child is frozen, although he should already be dressed in a school uniform, it is better to choose a friend’s wording: for example, “In 10 minutes we have to be in the hallway and put on shoes”, or “I remind you that it is time to wash up”.
Why is it harmful to push your children?
Have you ever been annoyed when someone in front of you is walking too slowly or driving when you are in a hurry? Or when your child or partner “slows down” and you are aiming for quick accomplishments? I’ve experienced this many times, and it’s a very uncomfortable state. It feels like the whole world or that particular person is deliberately bullying you, deliberately procrastinating to piss you off or to do nothing. Out of laziness or malice. And in fact at this very moment, the child has his own internal tempo, his own inner world. And if your accelerating phrases, he starts to be mean, it’s how he defends himself.
Loss of self begins with the prohibition to be at his own speed, at his own pace. By no means am I saying that a mother should give up on her own business and always live at her child’s pace. But it is often the case that the person who has been forbidden to live at her own pace now can’t stand it when the baby suddenly sinks into herself, too.
Often parents demand that the child dress quickly, walk quickly, think and learn faster. That in no way does he think about his own. “You never know what he’s going to think about! It is necessary to keep the children busy so that they have no time to think about silly things. Everything has to be under complete control and literally under the X-ray. Mom doesn’t have the resources to just talk, watch, listen, containerize. That’s when you have to feel good about yourself, slow down, take the time and pay attention. And most importantly, to recognize that the child is a different, separate person, and unpredictable, and you have to get to know him or her all the time. But it’s very stressful, mom doesn’t have that skill or desire to acknowledge separateness. Often a mother dreams of being such a child herself, because as a child she wasn’t given the same sense of self, didn’t create a cocoon of security to form a healthy psyche. And as a result, the child is deprived of her rhythm, her right to herself, to her inner world. She lives at her mother’s speed and has absolutely no time to recognize herself. That’s how you get kids from the joke: “Mom, am I hungry or am I cold? Just from this loss of internal rhythm and our right to an intimate inner space we get our vegetative disorders: IBS, palpitations, arrhythmias, dizziness, migraines, stomach problems.
Mistake 3: Everyone gets distracted by gadgets
At breakfast, everyone pulls out their smartphones and tablets – and reads the news, scrolls through social networks, texts, or has time to play or watch cartoons. Bad idea! It distracts from the food, creates a false sense that there is still enough time, and prevents you from keeping track of time. Try suggesting that the family do without gadgets at the table, and instead play music that everyone likes, or discuss plans for the day, or, for example, watch the morning program on TV. But, of course, watch the time!
Mistake 4: You didn’t time it right
The easiest way to figure out why you’re short on time is to write down everything each family member does in the morning, on a typical weekday, and honestly estimate it in minutes. It is important to consider that time is spent not only on “clean” activities, such as brushing your teeth or eating breakfast, but also on moving around the apartment, finding lost items, thinking, and even on getting from the apartment to the elevator and to the door of the entryway. Examine the results and add five minutes to each difficult step to begin with: this is likely to be enough to stop rushing. Yes, you might have to get up 10 minutes earlier, but there will be a lot less fuss and nerves!
Mistake 5: You line up.
For example, to the bathroom to brush your teeth. And it just took my dad, and shaving! But instead of just waiting under the door, it is better to do something else in the meantime: get dressed, comb your hair, have breakfast, take a walk with the dog, or once again check if everything is packed. If you find out that you regularly have “rush hour” in some parts of the apartment, agree in advance who does what during that time. You can even hang on the bathroom door a schedule of who can occupy it in the morning and for how many minutes, or agree that the one whose morning procedures take the longest, wakes up a little earlier. And it is desirable that all adult members of the family do not rush to help one child at a time: if mom sees that dad is already tying his son’s shoelaces or helping him find a scarf, it means that at this time you can do something else.